Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Credibility, or lack thereof

Yesterday was a little bit of a..., for the lack of a more eloquent term, down day for both of us. Patty didn't feel too hot and when the girls got home the kids starting getting a little rowdy which, when you don't feel good only makes things worse. Of course, sometimes Patty's mood affects my mood and then it goes down hill from there.

Talking to her today her spirits seemed better. She is still having the itching issue and her arm is still bothering her but doing better overall. I'm still languishing today for some reason.

As you can imagine I've been pouring myself into breast cancer information, data, and research over the last few weeks. It seems the more I do the more defeated I become. Not because of any possible future negative outcome but, because when I read the odds of Patty getting this at the age she did after all the preventive measures we took, it is like we hit the reverse Powerball. OK, maybe I'm overexaggerating, how about the reverse Pick Five? It could be worse.
(Disclaimer: I do not play the lottery but thought it was a great vehicle to make an illustrative point. Don't they call that a metaphor? No, I didn't stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night. But, there is one right next to the cancer center. I digress.)

Patty had always told me she was going to get breast cancer. Me, ever the encourager, told her she was being fatalistic and explained to her that her odds were not that great of developing it. I work in the field, trust me, I'd say. Me, ever the researcher, had tabulated her odds many times with online programs that calculated her risk. Even those showed a low chance of development. Me, the Believer, had prayed for years that she wouldn't develop this disease.

I was wrong. I was more wrong than I ever imagined. I know I didn't let her down but it sure feels like it. I fear now that in her mind I have lost credibility. She would never tell me if it were true.

Ironically, this happened before. Back in 1992, Patty's mother was diagnosed with recurrent breast cancer that presented in her bones. I had just started in the field of Oncology. Me, ever the encourager, told Patty that many women that have metastatic disease in the bones still can live several years. And often they do. She died a few months later. Once again, credibility shot. Even before now, when I would give her encouraging news about breast cancer prevention and treatment, she would remind me of my previous encouraging comments.

Can you tell I haven't been in the Word today? I can. I think I'll do that now.


Anonymous said...

Hi Everyone!

I wanted to let Patty know that I am thinking of her and praying for her everyday, whether I get the chance to speak to her on the phone. Grad school is getting quite time consuming. But nevertheless, I want you to know that Patty is on my mind everyday.

Scott, I have neglected to send you any personal messages since you developed the blog site. I want you to know that you are doing an amazing job with this site and most importantly with Patty, as her supportive husband. Please do not let the enemy discourage your thoughts by making you think you have let her down in anyway. Remember, John 10:10 says "the thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the fullest". You shouldn't allow the enemy to get a foothold on your thoughts, especially concerning your relationship with Patty. I am not perfect either and I sometimes allow the enemy to control my thoughts and he wants me to feel discouraged as well. I know your situation with Patty is Yours and unique, but I constantly struggle with worry for my husband. You know he has a genetic and progressive kidney disease. All the docs tell us that he will probably be on dialysis one day. I pray everyday for his healing and I have FAITH that God will protect and provide for us as He has promised. I just wanted to give you some encouragement, coming from a concerned spouse, just with a different circumstance. I love you all dearly and pray that Patty will be completely healed and will come through this bump in the road.

Anonymous said...

P.S the above comment was from Robbie Hurst. Oops! I forgot to sign it!

Gail Kitts said...

To Patty: Great to talk with you on the phone the other day even if it was only briefly. As I promised yesterday, Teresa and I will provide dinner on Saturday night. I will bring it to your house around 4 - 4:30 p.m. If that is not convenient just let me know--687-6818 or
384-4243. The menu will be my famous (probably only in my mind) lasagna, salad, bread and cookies made by Ruthie Arsenault (they really are famous and delicious).
I will only drop off will not come in to visit.

To Scott: I see no lack of credibility. I see a man facing the future head on with sufficient medical knowledge and the normal fear of the unknown. I wish I was smart enough and had wonderful words of wisdom. However, I am a blonde at heart and now time has pushed me into chronic and constant senior moments. I only know that God is in control. What each day has in store for us only He knows. Why we are dealt the cards we are, He alone knows. I do know it is how we play these cards that is important. You have a loving wife and four beautiful children watching you play the game of life. I know you have been equipped by Him to make the right plays.

Anonymous said...

For cancer is so limited -
It cannot cripple love,

It cannot shatter hope,

It cannot corrode faith,

It cannot destroy peace,

It cannot kill friendship,

It cannot suppress memories,

It cannot silence courage,

It cannot invade the soul,

It cannot steal God's gift of eternal life,

It cannot quench the Holy Spirit,

It cannot lessen the power of the resurrection.

-Author unknown